Oh man, you’re thinking to yourself, I really screwed up this time. Yeah, you did. You spilled wine, didn’t you? Red wine. Did you get it on your grandmother’s favorite rug? Old wedding dress? Family dog? What’s that? You spilled your pinot all over the Declaration of Independence? How did you…? Ok, ok, just breathe. We’ve got your back on this one, as always.

Time is of the essence here. Every second that you wait, that grape juice gets a little cozier with whatever the hell you’ve spilt it on. Grab a dry rag, and blot like your life depends on it, because it might. Be very careful with your force, don’t rub it in—you’re trying to allow the rag to soak up as much liquid as possible without forcing it further into your poor dog in a wedding dress (why did you do that again?). Is the wine gone? Of course it isn’t.

You’ve got a couple of options at this juncture. Naturally, there are detergents, shampoos, and wine removers that could do this job relatively easily, but let’s assume that you don’t have the money or time for such ventures. Luckily, there are other avenues to pursue here. Also luckily, many of the things that are going to get this wine out are probably already within reach of you, especially if this horrible accident happened in a party sort of context.


Okay, go grab more wine. Yes, really. White wine this time, please. The alcohol in the second glass of wine in the carpet helps to raise the original red out of the carpet, making it much easier to blot out. Admittedly, vodka can act in the same way, (perhaps even a bit better) but that worked a little bit less well with the “fire with fire” element I was trying to establish.

You guys drank everything? Already? Okay, I can work with that. Still have mixers? Great. Get the club soda. Mixers with added sugar are only going to complicate things. Pour it on there. This dog in a wedding dress standing on your grandmothers carpet is pretty peeved by now (seriously, what were you doing?). The carbonation and sodium in the club soda are going to break down the wine and make it easier to blot. After that, rinse with warm water and a bit of dish soap, and blot, blot, blot.


Didn’t work, huh? That’s a real stain ya got there. Taping those bottles to your hands and calling yourself Amy Winehands seems like a bad idea in retrospect. And a little tasteless. Shame on you. Okay, I’ve got one more for you. Get some white vinegar and a bowl, or something to mix in. Go for about one part vinegar, two parts water. Now, add a touch of dish soap, and stir with all your might. Distribute over the stain, and blot away. That family dog in a wedding dress standing on your grandmother’s carpet holding the declaration of independence is starting to smell strange at this point, but that’s not important (is this like, some weird performance art or something? You shouldn’t have gotten yourself into this situation). Add more warm water, and blot and wipe until the stain is gone. A touch of salt or baking soda on the stain can serve to absorb the liquid, and can be vacuumed later.

Alright, that should do it. Take a deep breath, and get that damn dress off of that dog, everything’s going to be alright.

Did this work for you? Got more weird home solutions for getting wine out of strange things? Please, enlighten us.