Where can you find Stripper poles, deep fryers, and Hangover Joe’s Hangover Cure all in the same place? Ok, probably any strip joint across the country. However, I can guarantee none have as much flair as the Nightclub & Bar Convention. It’s a wonderland of product sellers thrusting their wares at you in hopes you will deem their light machines, traveling Beirut tables, or jello shooter cups, THE BEST THING EVER.

My most favorite things at the NCB show were, in no particular order:

1. Big Buck Hunter HD - That’s right folks, you will get to shoot all the bucks, cougars, and giraffes you want in stunning high definition quality at your local watering hole soon. It will also be connected online to other Big Buck Hunter HDs across the country, so you can compete against Joe Dirt in Alabama live from the comfort of your personal dingy dive bar.

2. Kaptive - The Kaptive Stamina Drink, Herbal Fresh flavor, was surprisingly awesome. I was assured upon getting my sample that there was in fact real coca leaf and that it was totally legal. It was a pleasant green tea flavor, slightly carbonated, and completely without any chemical flavor like other energy drinks. Not only was it delicious, it was powerful. My two ounce pour gave me a very quick jolt that pleasantly evened out to a general buzz without crashing later on. It is my new energy drink of choice.

3. Le Grand Saint Sparkling Vodka - Yeah you read that correctly, sparkling vodka. It did not win for best taste, but for Best Flair. It comes in a champagne bottle, has a specially formulated cap that keeps it bubbly for 3 months on a shelf, and there were girls in sparkly gold dresses wearing angel wings! The vodka is perfect for those who want champagne bottle service without the champagne hangover.

My least favorite things were, in very particular order:

1. NutLiquor - Say that 3 times fast. Yeah, that’s just one reason to avoid this “premium vodka”. It tastes like syrup made of fake caramel and some sort of nut flavoring. It is advertised as peanut butter flavored but that is pure blasphemy to the peanut world. They say you can enjoy it “neat…with no rubbing alcohol burn.” It’s also 69-Proof, for… sigh… obvious marketing reasons. Next time you’re at a bar, try asking for a Dirty Monkey Nuts (1 oz NutLiquor, a splash of Banana liquor, and a splash of Chocolate liquor) or Elvis’ Nuts (NutLiquor, Banana liquor, and a splash of Bakon Vodka) with a straight face. I dare you.

2. Toby Keith’s Wild Shot Mezcal - It was like if lighter fluid, bad tequila, and liquid smoke had a baby. You can “blame it on the worm” as Wild Shot’s slogan says.