Gilligan and the Skipper may have built a washing machine out of coconuts and seaweed, but never constructed a brewery. In Daniel Defoe’s Robinson Crusoe, the protagonist laments his inability to brew. Of course he did. The only way to survive on a desert island is with beer. But which beer?

Everyone who writes or blogs about beer gets asked repeatedly: “What’s your favorite beer?” Worse still are brewers who get asked that question and then it’s the double-edged sword of picking one of their creations or not. Not that it matters, since we all respond, “I could never pick just one.” But the truth is, we all have a few absolute favorites. Even if new ones replace old ones on a steady basis. So when I was asked to select a mere five beers to take to a deserted island, the gears started revolving.

It’s not about devising a list of the most hard-to-find beers just for the sake of being esoteric. Can you really only live on bourbon-barrel aged Malaysian coffee-infused Russian Imperial Stouts or 150-IBU Triple IPAs forever?

No, if I’m going to be isolated from the range of beers I enjoy taking full advantage of, I’m going to pick a gamut of beers offering the widest scope of flavor, alcohol, complexity, and, uh huh, drinkability. In Certified Cicerone Exam Manager Nicole Erny’s words, “Picking beer for a desert island is all about going for diversity. I’m on a friggin’ desert island, I don’t want to do anything else that could cause me to be any more bored.”

Here are my picks:

Sculpin IPA – Ballast Point, San Diego, CA:

Need an IPA, duh. Many would opt for Pliny the Elder from Russian River. It’s on my short list. Actually, I lean more toward their Blind Pig, a straight California IPA over a Double IPA. Easier to drink at least if you’re having more than a few. So, like any good two-way race, a third party can surge as the dark horse. Think Perot in the Clinton-Bush, Sr. race. (Or talk of Bloomberg in the upcoming Obama-Palin race.) Sculpin has so many tastes going on it keeps it interesting. Citrusy. Resinous. Floral. Rich.

The Abyss – Deschutes, Bend, OR:

Need a stout. Big, bold, robust. This has some fascinating notes from the licorice that gives way to a maple-y mocha from the partial barrel aging. Decadent like chocolate blackout cake. Great for (or as) breakfast or dessert or simply hollow, lonely, moonless nights in the middle of the ocean.

Vlad the Imp Aler – Cascade, Portland, OR:

Need a sour. Personally, I don’t go for “barnyard” and “horse blanket,” which is what the wild yeast Brettanomyces contributes. I go for tartness wrought by Lactobacillus and Pediococus—Cascade’s specialty. Hence two of brewmaster Ron Gansberg’s beers vied for gold at the 2009 GABF, where the sweeter Bourbonic Plague eked out Gansberg’s more acetic Vlad. But I way prefer Vlad. OK, I way prefer Cascade’s blueberry ale, but it’s a one-off and I need an endless supply since it’s the rest of my life we’re talking here.

Routes des épices – Dieu du Ciel, Montreal, Canada:

I landed on this beer not by thinking I needed to fill this style (since rye beer with black and green peppercorns is hardly a beer that every brewer attempts) but more because I love this brewery. Aphrodisiaque, an imperial stout with cocoa nibs and vanilla beans, treads on the same territory as The Abyss and Péché Mortel is the world’s best coffee beer but I can always add some cold pressed coffee to my Abyss (hey, I’m only picking 5 island beers! I’m bringing non-alcoholic beverages separately.) The name Routes des épices translates to “spice route” and it’s the perfect steak beer. In lieu of peppercorn sauce, the spice is in the beer. So whether I’ve got beef on the island or, more likely, wild boar or perhaps gibbons or monkies, this goes great with all meats no matter how gamey.

St. Bernardus Witbier – Brouwerij St. Bernardus, Belgium:

Nearly picked a Pilsner in case I get visitors on this island; something to placate any non-adventurous beer drinkers. But this Belgian-spiced wheat beer fills that role, too, and goes great with tropical fruits that I’ll be foraging on this island. Great on a hot, summer day. Rounds out the gaps left by the other 4 beers. Refreshing as an afternoon skinny dip.

Three additional beer mavens who are all about exploring the wide world of suds — via their roles in brewing, educating, and proselytizing — made thoughtful selections including two votes for the standard-bearer of the Flanders Red style. Let’s start with someone who chose to enjoy beer on an actual island for the rest of his foreseeable life.

Garrett Marrero: founder of Maui Brewing

Midas Touch – Dogfish Head, Milton, DE:

“Great beer for those many seafood feasts under the moonlight. I’m thinking Opaka caught on spear of course, seasoned with sea salt and steamed over palm fronds and banana leaves…. Seriously though, I love the muscat grapes, honey, and use of saffron.”

Duchesse de Bourgogne – Brouwerij Verhaeghe, Belgium:

“A real treat in my opinion, we don’t have sours in Hawaii…yet (insert evil chuckle here). I remember my first Duchesse at the Falling Rock in Denver suggested by Marty Jones. Still one of my go-to beers.”

Gueuze Girardin 1882 – Brouwerij Girardin, Belgium:

“Fell in love in Belgium with this one, so being stuck on a desert isle I’d probably need the mental getaway now and again. I’d drink this under the shade of the palm tree and dream of a three-hundred-year-old bierhuis in Ghent where I enjoyed this beer with local salami, cheese and spicy mustard. Plus, it’s very refreshing on a warm day.”

Brooklyn Lager (in a CAN) – Brooklyn Brewing, NY:

“Benefit here, besides a great refreshing lager, is it’s a 16 oz. can. I realize I have an endless supply, but I’m assuming I have to get up to grab them myself so this guy’d give me time before having to rouse myself and actually go to my cooler….wait, I have a cooler right?”

Mamas Lil Yella Pils – Oskar Blues, Lyons, CO:

“Again a can, and yes, again a lager but I can put away quite a few of these and still see straight enough to spear my next fish. Plus, if I were stranded I’m sure I’d miss my friends and I’m fortunate to count Dale (Katechis, owner) and his family in that group.”

Lisa Morrison: host of Beer O’Clock and author of Craft Beers of the Pacific Northwest

Turmoil Cascadian Dark Ale - Barley Brown’s Brewpub, Baker City, OR:

“This rather remote brewpub is turning out some great beers, not the least of which is this Great American Beer Festival gold-medal-award winner — the first ever in the American-Style India Black Ale, and rightfully so. Darn tasty.”

Duchesse de Bourgogne – Brouwerij Verhaeghe, Belgium:

“My hubby, Mark, and I have two taps in our kitchen (yep, IN the kitchen) and this lovely Belgian lady has probably paid us more visits on the taps than any other singular beer. It goes with so many foods, is just as great alone, and is a wonderful foil for those times when you have ‘beer mouth’ and need something to brighten the palate.”

Abrasive Ale – Surly, Minneapolis, MN:

“Big, bad-ass and in your face. Just the way I like my double IPAs. This one comes at you full-throttle with grapefruit, pine, citrus and then presents you with some floral notes without any apology.”

Oak Aged Yeti – Great Divide, Denver, CO:

“One of the most beautiful beers you can ever lay eyes on, with a rich, tan head atop an inky black body. Just what an imperial stout should be, too, with gobs of molasses, coffee, chocolate, brown sugar a hint of lemony tartness — all aged to perfection in oak barrels, but never overdone. We named our dog Yeti. ‘Nuf said.”

Maiden the Shade – Ninkasi, Eugene, OR:

“This was my favorite new beer of 2010, with touches of tropical fruit, peaches and apricot that crescendo into a huge West Coast citrusy IPA mouth-watering finish. A perfect summer beer. And a perfect desert island one, to boot.”

 

Nicole Erny: Certified Cicerone Exam Manager

Firestone Walker Pale 31 – Firestone Walker, Paso Robles, CA:

“A nice American pale ale with a punch of lime, meyer lemon and grapefruit-like hop flavors and a low ABV for those squelching hot days on the beach.”

Cuvee De Ranke – Brouwerij De Ranke, Belgium:

“A wonderful sour ale from De Ranke — one of my favorite Belgian breweries — blended with Lambic from Girardin, perhaps my favorite Lambic producer.”

Westmalle Tripel – Brouwerij Westmalle, Belgium:

“When I stumble upon that trove of oysters on the south end of my island (this island doesn’t sound so bad…) I want to make sure I have something to drink with them. With oysters I more often go for an Orval, but I figure I’ll be so sick of that “of the sea” flavor that I’ll want to subdue it and play up the sweetness instead by pairing with this zesty, lightly peppery Tripel.”

Russian River Pliny the Elder – Russian River, Santa Rosa, CA

“This is the perfect double IPA: dry, and with more emphasis on hop flavor than bitterness. Double IPAs like this are almost cocktail-like. I’ve tasted Pliny so fresh that you feel as though you’re drinking it in a citrus orchard situated against a pine forest.”

Rochefort 10 – Brasserie Rochefort, Belgium:

“If I’m stuck on an Island forever I want it to be with my favorite Belgian Dark Strong ale. The black pepper tones and figgy sweetness will be perfect for those chilly windblown nights with nothing but my endless stock of beer to comfort me.”

 

 

So how about it, Skipper (or Ginger, just so long as you’re not a Howell), your ship is adrift at sea or your plane goes down a la Lost and you’re lucky enough to have five eternal beersprings. What do you pick? Quaff wisely.